Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Hot Young Asian Boys wearing glasses covered in some sort of lavender lotion giving head to she-male blondes in the back of a Kombi

Group sex is for wankers. I know this because I was once involved in an orgy and spent a lot of the time looking over an extremely ugly sea of writhing bodies and pulling my cock.

Let's go back in time a little shall we?

A few years ago I ran a dodgy ecstasy-den cloakroom / chill out room at one of the most disgusting SUNDAY night BAD TECHNO clubs ever to grace this Earth. I loved it.
I'd been going through some fucking bad times so spending every Sunday Night selling Chupa Chups to E'd up bitches wearing no clothes whilst I snorted coke, drank vodka and necked pills was exactly the Bukowski-esque treatment I needed at that stage in my life. I knew the music was crap, I knew the people were sweaty and ugly and fucked up on drugs, but I didn't care. It was total an-nihilism baby, fuck fucking everything.

Anyhoo...my little room became quite the fucking trouble hang-out and eventually a little clique formed around it. (Ok, that's my only piss take...I promise) There was a group of about 12 people, guys and girls, we became pretty tight. And I mean tight in a Pamela Anderson and Tommy-Lee kind of way.

So one night, out of the fucking blue, Dee, a fucking sexy long legged brunette babe with a penchant for tartan skirts (who later went on to win the showcase on A Price Is Right, I shit you not) came up with the awe inspiring plan of hosting an orgy at her house with, of course, her husband and anyone else who was feeling the lurvvve.

Woohoo! I was feeling the lurve! Orgy!

Memories are hazy about this bit but I know somehow it came to pass that either on the phone in orgy bound transit, or perhaps just before I headed that way, I had a conversation with my sister that went a little like this:

*It doesn't matter which is which here

"Hey what's going on"

"Crazy! I just got invited to an orgy, I'm thinking about going"

"Ummm...I just got invited to an orgy too"

"Oh........................"

"Bags me!"


Yep, I'm pretty close to my sis, she's all I got really family-wise, but I certainly don't want to be waving at her from across a room as I'm getting bi-sexually blown by a husband and wife tag team.

"Hey Jodi! Check it out! Husband and wife...sucking me off!.......What've you got over there?"

She went home.

Myself, however proceeded to aforementioned orgy.

Sometimes sex on pills can be amazing, I once broke my bedroom window picking a girl up with my SEX STRENGTH and we kept fucking over broken glass while my neighbours watched over the fence. Othertimes you just lie on top of each other face to face and dribble alot and fall asleep.

But you always sweat. Sticky, yucky, not nice sweat. When there are twelve gurneying drug fucked nude people writhing all over a king sized bed, touching and probing and trying their luck with anything they can grab onto, the smell of sweat is absolutely fucking unbearable. It started off alright, I had a bit of a bash, a bit of kissykissy on some unmentionables...but then I started to come...to my senses.

Untangling myself for a moment, I stood up to survey the scene. Christ on a fucking stick. It actually looked like that for a moment but they were Acidey pills. Attempting to recalibrate myself back into the mood I watched with grim horror and stood aimlessly helping myself. But it was fucking gross. Really fucking bad. Yuk yuk yuk bad. I think someone was crying. Hahahaha. But for some reason the body parts that stood out the most were everyone's teeth. All I could see were teeth, evil, clenched, yellow stained teeth, all fucking on a bed.

I left the room, had a shower, called a cab and went home.

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