Thursday, June 30, 2005

Dues (not about Nadine and Fluffy)

Soundtrack: Rod Stewart / Maggie May

I've been open about my past on here. Also, I deleted a lot of it. 'Cause.

A while ago I told the story of how I had two full time girlfriends over a period of one and a half years. I'm not proud, though people have often shaken their heads in amazement as to just how the fuck I managed to do it. Was, surprisingly, and disgustingly simple to be honest.

One of them was my last girlfriend. I was with her for four and a half years, let's call her X. About a year and a half into that relationship, I bumped into my first ever girlfriend who I had not seen for 8 years and immediately sparks flew as though we had never parted. I was a bounder and a cad and was unable to muster the willpower to sort myself out, falling into a relationship with her as well without thinking, and without being able to be honest to either of them.

My friends never pushed me, though most people were aware of what was happening and of course, disapproving. But I was in a crazy phase and just kept at it.

It's so fucking strange looking back at that time. Thinking about who the fuck I was.

X must've known. She must've. And yet never a peep out of her. Only once did she ask me one night, "Who is Shannon?" and I mumbled something stupid and held her close and we fell asleep in each other's arms and I was able to push back all my guilt, losing my one good chance of just spilling everything and being fucking OPEN.

In the end, I finally broke it off with Shannon and thought I was going to give X a real shot. She is wonderful, wonderful wonderful. I've written about her, in one of the posts I've deleted, but take my word for it, a softer more pure fucking girl you have never met. And I've met all of you and you're all fucking AMAZING, but this little girl...Ugh.

So I've been parted from her for a year, maybe a little more, about a year.

Last night I was at the pub with Dangerous and she walked in, sat down beside me and it all flooded out of her.

She knew along, she could never tell me because she loved me, she was so fucking angry at me.

I couldn't speak. In a strange way I was so proud of her for finally telling me all this. Weird huh?

She left after that. I hope she got something, some strength, something...

I left too, a bit dazed, a bit hang dog shameful.

And then...just to prove a fucking point of how goddamn GOOD and fucking NICE and shit cock tits LOVING this fucking chick is, she rang me to see if I WAS OK.


Whitey. I salute you.


*inserts some funny words here just to lighten the mood*



No comments:

Post a Comment