Tuesday, June 14, 2005

In the beginning...

Soundtrack: Kyuss / Damned for all time

Greetings.

It is time to spread the message.

Fundamentalist Religious types would have you believe they hold the key to your salvation.

However, their ideal of Heaven seems to involve a lot of blowing things up, torturing people and generally being extremely intolerant of anyone who lacks the decency to agree with their views.

This is what led me to Hell. And now, I open it for business.

Hell does not judge you on your choice of religion, be it virgin sacrificing (ah the memories...) or drinking the blood of a still kicking Rooster. We like them all! They make us laugh with their mumbo hoodoo whatcha gonna doodoo. Silly monkeys...

Neither does Hell judge you on your sexual practices. Believe me, you'd have to do something pretty DAMN shocking to get my attention. Do you know I once went to a brothel and rang my girlfriend while I was fucking the hooker and I had to say things like, now she's sucking my cock baby, and hang on baby it's kind of difficult to pound her from behind whilst hanging from the shower curtain and also trying to keep this goddamn phone to my ear. Just before I came, my phone battery died. It was nice.

Have I told you that before? Well, eternity does things to one's memory, so forgive me. For I have sinned. Ba-boom.

So you get the picture right? In the end, it is HELL that offers more forgiveness, more tolerance and more acceptance. I guess it's just that Hell suffers from an image problem.

Mental note: Have a friendly chat with the boys from marketing.

Peace my tortured souls. You are all welcome.

BB

x

14 comments:

  1. Come to Butthead.

    Bring thy supple bosom near to mine lips.

    Oh...in a mate's way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Come to Butthead.

    *remembers her weekend*

    ReplyDelete
  3. *Mummy can I go out and kill tonight? I feel, I feel like taking a life..*

    ReplyDelete
  4. According to that online 'which layer of hell are you bound for' quiz, I've gone down four levels in six months!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well, I know where I'll be sending those three hot Christian chicks I have coming to stay with me in a month, don't I?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Can I pierce your.. umm... ear..?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow, you've erased the past. That's a shame.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ...I've, um, got a couple saved.

    *contemplates blackmarket value of vintage posts*

    ReplyDelete