Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Word

Soundtrack: Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young / Suite Judy Blue Eyes

Last night I played a game of Dict-Predict. Initially I thought they said Dick Prick, so I was a little disappointed when they asked me to "retire my member" back to its appropriate position.

(If anyone wants to play Dick Prick with me, let me know...)

If you've read the book Running with Scissors, which I believe YOU SHOULD HAVE YOU YOU FUCKING LAZY FREAKS READ IT! REEEEEEAD IT!!!! Yes, well, if you've read it you may remember the characters engaging in a pursuit known as Bible Dipping, whereby you hold a Bible in your hand, ask a pertinent question regarding your life, open up the book and place your finger on a random page, reading out the words and translating them as an answer to your question.

You with me?

Woohoo!

(Hey it's Spring, I hope all you spunky chicks are out buying Tartan Skirts instead of sitting indoors on the INTERPUTE! Spring! Fucking! Oops...)

Anyhoodiddly ho, we played the same game but with a dictionary, because the people I hang out with aren't QUASI RELIGIO FREAKAZOID MANIACS, no. They all learned like and smartsies. So Dictionaries Are Go.

(this reminds me, check out the band Thunderbirds Are Now! Is good...)


LET THE DICTIONARY DO IT'S STUFF NOW NOW NOW!

Ok! Pushy pushy...

So, I was all like...Describe my life in one word....

Dictionary says...














HAT.
A covering for the head, especially one with a shaped crown and brim.

HAT? Motherfucking HAT?

Is that a Daniel Day Lewis movie or some sort of Disney fuck fest... My Life as a Hat. FUCK YOU.

However, obviously I was not thinking LATERALLY. Outside the square yo!

It was put to me thus...

Maybe it means, like, you use your head Matty. You know, and people like, well...ummm...you keep people's heads together...

Right. I'm a hat. Ok.

Next question.

DICTIONARY! AM I ON THE RIGHT PATH TO FULFILLING MY DESTINY UPON THIS WORLD? GIVE ME A SIGN!

Dictionary says...

(This is NO SHIT YO...)













Sign.
Something that suggests the presence or existence of a fact, condition, or quality.

(This fucking book has a sense of humour, I muttered, drinking another glass of fine Yarra Burn Pinot Noir...)

Alright Dictionary, I don't like you and you don't like me. TELL ME! IMPART UPON THINE SERVILE BRUTE THE ANSWER TO THIS! Describe in one word....

DESCRIBE IN ONE WORD HOW MY SUMMER WILL BE!!!!!!

Dictionary says...









DEGENERATE
A person lacking or having progressively lost normative biological or psychological characteristics.




Hmmmm.




More more MORE!




Oh Macquarie Dictionary High School Edition, BOOK OF LIFE, TELL ME! HOW IS MY LOVE LIFE TO FAIR????? TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME!!!!!


Dictionary says...












FIRE.
To become excited or ardent.


Alright! Sexio!



At this point my friend The Bean, who is in a state I will not go into in public asked the book, How will I feel on Friday?

Dictionary said...


CLUCKY.


And the book was promptly thrown out the front door, set alight and trampled by WILD OXEN.



I am off now to buy tight black jeans and scour the streets for short skirts.

Oh. Also I get to sit in a bar tonight talking to THESE FUCKING HOT CHICKS.

Hopefully tomorrow I will type with a limp.

Love and erections.

BB

x

24 comments:

  1. you're on fire today, omar.

    *loves*

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  2. I don't hold a candle to you beautiful. Even though we are a perfect match.

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  3. that's because you're hot and i'm a redhead (in a fake brunette way).

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  4. It's a shame you're in Sydney and not Melburn though.

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  5. yeah, but this way i'm closer to can-berra.

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  6. make that two-can-berra.

    or tou-can-berra.

    whichever you think makes for the better pun.

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  7. *tongue kisses*

    Oops.

    Can-berra? Last time I went there I flew solo and scored heaps of coke.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sorry mith. I wath jutht looking for my punning book, did I leave it in your perth?

    ReplyDelete
  9. no, you must have left it in pun-don.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yass I did. Now, where's Gunda? Anyone? Anyone seen that Gunda guy?

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  11. i think he might have run off with that dyslexic viet man.

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  12. INTERVENTION!

    Yes Nads, I need to sit you down and have a serious discussion. It has come to my attention that you were very, very drunk recently. "PARA" was the word somebody used to describe you.

    So if you don't mind, take a seat, and let's discuss this para matter.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Look, first let me put on some AC / DC so I feel a little more Manly.

    *air guitars*

    Oh Bon Scott! Wasted talent! Early death! Why? Why did Bon die????

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hang on, I've just got to go to the John-ny.

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  15. Gus works for TNT now...so he's probably on the Highway. to Hell.

    Which means he should be here any minute!

    GANGBANG!

    ReplyDelete
  16. GANGBANG!

    *rings sherriff*

    *passes him around*

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  17. Great, now that everyone is here, I just want to say WOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! Whose foot was that? C'mon 'fess up...

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  18. coughcoughGETAROOMcoughcough

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  19. You leave a comments thread for a few hours and look - hot sexed up punning madness!

    *grabs seat*

    *watches*

    ReplyDelete