Friday, September 9, 2005

When...the....moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie....

Not being a Bill Bryson-esque genius able to woo you with HILARIOUS (while I was asleep) Travel anecdotes, I never really went into any detail describing my mid-year tropicana sojourn in the South Pacific. Sun, sand, alcohol. The end.

I got to meet some truly wonderful people and over copious cocktails we all pledged to remain forever friends after we returned to our home countries. CHEESY!

The thing is, you never really know if the people you drink pina coladas with on the beach watching the sunset and surreptitiously sneak a look at the wives' boozies, actually like you as much as you like them. I tend to gush (....ahem...) about how great they are behind their backs and how coool it is to make new friends blah blah blah.

This morning, I received an email from Ambrogio and Germania an Italian couple we broke bread with in Fiji.

READ THIS EMAIL AND TELL ME THEY ARE NOT POSSESSED OF SOME CRAZY ITALIANO COMEDIC GENIUS.

(Secret Aside: You may notice an alarmingly recurrent use of the word Mark. This is one of those in jokes that was of course hilarious at the time but is impossible to explain. Just chuckle knowingly every time you see the word)

So, without further Apu...


Hi guys!


How are you? We hope everything is fine in Melbourne.
We often think at our honeymoon with a big pleasure (of course) and we appreciated very much to meet you in that beautiful place called Vatulele...we had such a good time together! (MARK!)
Some days ago we remembered that you should have been visiting Europe this month, and we wondered if you would pass also through Italy...it would be really nice to meet you again!
Hope to hear good news from our Aussie friends
Ambro & Ge

<Funny Version>
HEY! How are you doing, Marks?
There are a lot of things we have to tell you since we met in Vatulele Disco Dancing Club!
First of all we were wondering if you'll pass through Italy during your rave party tour in Europe this month...we hope the answer is MARK, of course!
After our travel back to Italy we decided to take advantage of Ambro's skills in opening coconuts and we founded a new company called I.C.O.V.S.P. (Italian Coconuts Openers Vatulele Style Plant), so everything is going really really fine here in Milan! We're looking for a distributor in Oceania, please think about it...
We hope to see you again before dying...but FIRST, a little bit of BOOMBA BOOMBA!
Ambro & Ge

<Angry version>
Oh! We're talking with you guys!
Why the hell didn't you write any bloody news from your side???
Maybe we are not enough for you, f***ing snobs?
We hate you so much that we punch and kick each other everyday to do some training for the f***ing moment when we'll meet you during your f***ing european loss of time...
Please come and meet us, the only thing we ask is to warn us with some days of advance so that we can invite all our friends in order to make you a appropriated welcome...MWHUAHUAHAUAHUAHAUAHAUHAHHHHH!!!!
"Chainsaw" Ambro & "Ripper" Ge

<Short version>
Ciao!
How are you?
Are you coming to Italy?
Ciao
A&G

<morse version>
--.---..-.-...--.--.---....-.-.-.-.--.-.-..--..-.-.----....-.-.-.--.-.-.--.-.--.--.----....--.-.-.-.-.---.-.-.-.--...---.-.-.


<DIRECTOR'S CUT>
If you are really reading this final part of the message you could realize some of the following things:
a) you have some friends in Milan (Italy) that miss you very much and really look forward to meet you again, better if in Italy, in front of a good REAL Parmisan dish...
b) you have some friends in Milan (Italy) that are very silly and write you stupid annoying emails...
c) you have some friends in Milan (Italy).
d) when you were completely drunk in Vatulele (Fiji), you gave your email adresses to some really crazy guys and now you're seriously thinking at changing them.
e) I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! ARE YOU REALLY REALLY STILL READING SUCH A STUPID MESSAGE??? That make you able to read the following point:
f) you are a person in Melbourne (Australia) with big mental problems.
g) you are a person in Melbourne (Australia) with big mental problems and some really strange friends in Milan (Italy).
h) you are a person in Melbourne (Australia) with big mental problems and some really strange friends in Milan (Italy) and YOU'RE GOING TO REPLY TO THIS EMAIL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

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