Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Aside #7

Soundtrack: Nat King Cole / Unforgettable

The last night I ever spent with my mum I was rushing like a cunt on ecstasy. My sister Jodi and I had spent a week up in Surfers and it was our last night and Mum and Simon (step dad) and Jodi and I all got pretty ga-smasho-ed. Jodi and I of course being who we are, who were were maybe, decided to drop the pills we had stashed all week and see what would happen...

If you knew that you only had one more night left with your mum, what would you do? What would you talk about?

It wasn't like I knew I'd never see her again, but it was like no other night.

Of course it was the drugs, but it was a whole lot more too.

Simon was a silent observer, strangely enough video-ing the whole fucking night, and that's why I'm writing this today because I've just got my hands on the video after 5 years and I've never watched it...

*writes label The Last Fucking Waltz*

Whether or not she knew, I doubt it in the state she was in by that point, that we were on drugs is beside the point. The three of us opened up like never before. We talked about EVERYTHING. MOTHERFUCKING EVERYTHING. We emptied our souls to one another in a way that I have never to anyone else. Well, maybe now, one other person...I don't know, I don't know what sort of family you have, what your background is, but kiddies, we had a fucking crapload of things to get out...and it was all so beautiful, and we fucking laughed and cried and my mum danced and smoked pot and screamed "RIBS! ORDER ME RIBS! MUNCHIES!" and everyone was for the first fucking time EVER, all SO present and SO happy and the three of us that had come through fucking fire and brimstone together for so many years...well, One Night Only...we had a break, an afterparty, we shook it the fuck out.

We left before she woke in the morning and the next time I saw her, only four weeks later, she was all yellow tinged, dressed in her favourite red dress, lying still so still...and I made a speech in front of strangers and she sank into the fire and that was it.

But this isn't about mourning, because that's long gone. This is about remembering and in front of me sits the video and I have no fucking idea what's going to happen when I watch it.

But these things, these are the things that remind me to fucking live well, live now, fight on, be fucking happy.

And it's sunny too.




  1. Holy shit. That's amazing and brilliant that you have a video of that night.

  2. That is awesome. Not many people get to have that perfect moment caught on tape.

  3. Lucky Bastard.

    Hope it goes well.

    WOW! Life is crazy...

  4. Life is such a wonderfull thing, It really is.. And hell we only get to do it once, Make it an adventure.. Live it like a child, Full of trust.. Fuck plans and maps.. and fucking programs and organisation.. If we trust ourselves.. The card we have been dealt at birth.. And the chances life throws us as an innocent child would.. Even the smallest things in life can become the greatest adventures XX

  5. i remember my mum visiting me first time in melbourne & watching her at a party with all my friends on e telling her they love me, & then she copped it from me. she loved it. sweet moments. dunno about video footage though???

    drink soon...

  6. i'm not sure about the video either but didn't want to say. it would be very weird. sometimes memories are better.

    i just don't know. the problem is you don't know how it's going to affect you, unless you watch it, and then it would be too late, if it's bad. like those beheading videos. there are people that watched them, and then really regretted it.

    just like some things are best left usaid, so too videos maybe.

  7. both of my parents are no longer with me due to cancer. Your lucky you have a video. I hope it makes you smile.

  8. I hope it made you smile beautiful


  9. Wow, intense. (Perhaps. Perhaps it was grandois. I hope the latter.)

    Anyway, I trust you enjoyed watching it, and it helped you deal with some stuff you possibly didn't even know was still there.

    That's the best feeling - when issues or leftover unresolved stuff you didn't even know you were carrying with you are ironed out by a moment such as this.

    I trust that happened for you, man.

  10. Now go on, get outta here, ya crazy kid!

    The sun's shining and there's apples ripe for the pickin'.