Thursday, November 24, 2005

The Call of the Wild

Soundtrack: Kings of Leon / The Bucket

Lately I have been looking inward.

Imaginary audience: Ha.


All year I have been looking inward.

How's that?

Imaginary audience: BETTER. MORE CORRECTER. NOW MOVE ON...

I have been looking inward. And the thing I have learned from looking inward is, there is no Truth. Truth is a river, flowing down from the mountain of my life, wisdom melting into an everchanging rapid until at the delta, it merges with everyone else's truth, forming a gigantic ocean of subjective realities.

Imaginary audience: Dude, get off the crack...

Okey. Well, how about I feel like a levee is breaking inside. I feel like, instead of stubbornly following my stream of conscious and holding onto my Truth, well today I feel like finding out about other's Truths, about yours. All I have ever experienced is my own brain, my own heart, my own soul and well, don't you get fucking bored (lonely?) with only yourself for company in there? I don't mean to say that I or you don't have our companions, our soul mates our best friends, I just mean even with those can ever really get in, no-one can ever really experience another's Truth.

Imaginary audience: Have you ever read Isaac Asimov's Foundation series? I think it's in the fourth book that the characters come across a planet known as Gaia. And on Gaia there is but one collective conscious, and everyone on the planet is a part of that, and everyone experiences everyone else's reality...Is that what you want?

I don't know. Does that then cancel out Individuality as a construct? I mean, when is 'being myself" actually closing myself off to new experiences, when does "trusting what I believe in" mean I'm not listening anymore to what someone is saying...How do I switch off the part of me that says I know best? I don't know best. I'm really interested in learning more, experiencing more, opening myself up to EVERYTHING this life has to offer, except, sometimes my Id-Ego doesn't let me. Does that ever happen to you?

Imaginary audience: Sorry what? I was dozing off there for a minute...

Sigh. I'm trying to become an empty vessel. Without the incense and Orange robes. I'm trying to become a sponge of knowledge and experience, I'm trying to open myself up completely and understand that there is so much more to this universe than what I experience. But it seems like to do that, I will have to evolve not over a million years, but instantly. Now. I will have to jump a few stages and become some sort of super human with all crazy kookoo mind control powers...

Imaginary audience: You mean like Scott Baio in the movie Zapped? I LOVE THAT MOVIE!

No, although I loved that movie too...I mean mind control over MYSELF, not others. Although having the ability to make College Girls instantly topless DOES have its appeal. Look, I'm just rambling okay? I just wanted you to know where I was at. Because, although we talk a lot and although I feel we're close, sometimes I still get the feeling that there is a chasm between us and I wanted to build a bridge, and to walk across it and hug you. Let you see inside me, if but for a moment. Lately, I haven't let many people in, but I feel I can trust you. And you know what? That's kind of exciting and scary at the same time. Like being naked in front of someone for the first time.

Imaginary audience: *strips* I love you. Your secrets are safe with me. I am honoured that you would open up to me like that, I wish I could do the same thing.

That's okay, I'm not asking anything of you. Besides, what you just wrote was really beautiful. Thankyou.

Imaginary audience: Thankyou. Oh and hey?


Imaginary audience: Do you think I look good in the nude?

Breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking. Now let's hold hands on this bridge and howl like the motherfucking Lone Wolves that we are.



  2. *grabs hand*


    This was much easier than the whole "you're a wild pig! BE A WILD PIG!" schtick of the Big Brother auditions x

  3. ah you know what just came up randomly on my itunes while reading your blog? Handsome Boy Modeling School's 'The Truth' - perfect.

  4. Spank me silly, but if stunningly convoluted effervescence breathed it'd be named Mattyb-- I'm pretty sure.

  5. Zapped reference. Very nice. I met Scott Baio while he was taping an episode of the show I used to work on back in LA. He's a surprisingly cool guy. I learned a few interesting things from him.

    1) Heather Locklear is the best fuck he has ever had... by far.

    2) Erin Moran... (aka Joanie) loved Chachi... orally before the taping of every episode they shot to help him relax.

    3) Scott fucked Liza Minelli (yikes)

    4) In either Chinese or Korean (i don't recall which) Chachie means "cock." So as far as they knew the show was called Joanie Loves Cock. Which is true... see 2) above.

    And unrelated to that. YGWIN has sexy lips that give soft pony kisses. I want a pony.

  6. i'd howl with you anytime sir.
    its one of the skills i have
    i'll put it on my cv