Thursday, November 17, 2005

Counting the Beat

Soundtrack: ZZ Top / Sharp Dressed Man


Let's pretend that you are going to a gigantic Sex Exposition.

Let's pretend that at said exposition, you will meet REAL LIFE SWINGERS. WHO LIVE IN A GIGANTIC RICHY-POO MANSION MADE FOR THE GROUP SEXING AND RITUALS THE LIKES OF WHICH WOULD WARP YOUR FRAGILE LITTLE MIND.

What do you wear? How do you convey both raw, unbridled sexuality and deep sophistication?

I've narrowed it down a little. Perhaps I could have your opinion?

Choice #1 Party hat and a rohypnol face*



Party done weft me awww awone.

"Here kid, have some amyll"

*The check shirt will come off in the taxi, not to worry.

#2

A GIGANTIC WEIRDO SNAKE ALIEN COSTUME WITH TWO STRANGE SKANKY LADIES AS MINIONS SLASH ACCESSORIES.




PUNY HUMANS! ALLOW GREVRAG TO PROBE YOU WITH HIS MIGHTY TENTANCLE.

NOW IF I CAN ONLY FIND THE ZIPPER IN THIS FUCKING THING.

#3

Tarzan Costume*




Someone say Swingers Party?

*I'm seriously considering this one, it is truly... fucking genius.

#4

Ummm...




Dressing as the character from that old Commodore 64 Video Game PITFALL. Yeah...nothing says I fuck like a barrel of nympho monkeys like dressing up as a video game cowboy adventurer. I mean, THAT is impressive, not only do I lurk around the internerd looking for Swingers Parties, but in my spare time I like to sit on my couch and play video games.

It's funny 'cause it's true.

#4

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!



Sorry that one just sorta snuck in...

#5

AND THE WINNER IS!

Oh dear lord...



Someone please kill me. I am going to a swingers party dressed as a gigantic snagglepuss with a tiny head, accompanied by a tracksuit pant wearing bee with sunglasses on holding a daisy.

Note our high class footwear.

C'MON PEOPLE. IF THIS DOESN'T GET ME INTO SOME SORT OF EIGHT WAY GROPE-A-DOPE THEN I'M STUMPED.





I'll let you know wha' happen.

5 comments:

  1. naked under a cloak with a hood and creepy mask. think emmanuel, think eyes wide shut.

    ReplyDelete
  2. me pebbles
    you BAM BAM

    that's my vote

    ReplyDelete
  3. You typed "Google Image Search" into Google image search, didn't you, Fluffy?

    So Po Mo.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The blue feathers do bring out your Irish eyes, a'smilin, like a hallelujah good time.

    ReplyDelete