Monday, January 2, 2006

Because I am mattyb...

Soundtrack: Kaiser Chiefs / You can have it all

Hiya. Happy New Year.

This is, has always been, a personal blog and I intend to keep it that way.

Apologies for the porn post yo, it was late in the year and I was fried. Burnt out. Broken.

And I wish I could say I am here refreshed-a-mundo Mr Kotter, and I am in a way, but in a whole lot more honest way, I remain...your shattered B.

But at least in the last few weeks, I've had a couple of chances to sit on my own, in places of unspeakable beauty, and reflect on the mistakes I made last year, and the lessons I learnt...and the goals I wish to bring forward with me into two thousand and sex.

For an independent soul, I relied on others far too much. This will change. Lone Wolf will return. Pack Time is invaluable, but unless you travel the earth alone and hunt and sniff experiences alone and open to all, then you will have nothing to share with the pack.

I'm going to hunt more. And I am going to cut down on my use of the word "no"

Hahaha. I can hear you from here.

As a Lone Wolf I tend to snarl if I think I am cornered. Instead, I will try my Wolfy Mostest to smell you first. Perhaps my initial instincts are mistaken. Perhaps Wolfie gets more wrong than he likes to admit.

I am sick of the walls that surround my soul. I wish to dismantle them, though it scares the fuck out of me. Inside me, there is a lot of...stuff. And, I don't generally share it for fear of breaking down, or fear of seeming weak.

This year, I will remove a brick or two, and hopefully this will help me love better. Friends, partners, strangers.

I will focus every inch of burning passion within me and direct it into creative pursuits. I will not change the world, but I fucking intend to change MY WORLD.

I will have one completely new experience per month. And I will share them all with you.

I just want to be happier. Every day. Happier.

I know it's possible. I know it has only been myself stopping myself. I will try my best to no longer stand in my own way.

And I will nevermore be crippled by fear, as I was so many times in 2005.

I hope yours will be wonderful.

Love love baby.



  1. "I just want to be happier. Every day. Happier."


  2. i dont believe in god or the use of the word 'amen', but yes