Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Part 4233




Soundtrack:
The Doors / People are strange

(sorry, I know it's The Doors, but I just watched Lost Boys...and it kinda fits)

******

I stared back into my reflection, cold water dripping off my chin, lines where there weren't before, eyes that only I knew what lay hidden beneath...and smiled. The kettle ended its session on a high note and naked I walked into the kitchen.

******

These posts, these thoughts I've been having, they're not battles you know. Just adventures. Just a few more steps along the road. But it's a nice road, and anytime the clouds gather and the thunder breaks and BOOM I shake and shudder, it's not like I ever forget that three more steps and I will be bathed in golden light and feel the warmth again on my face.

That's what makes the darkness necessary, ying and yang, Laurel and Hardy.

Does that make me Laurel?

I like hanging by the bridge with the dark fog below, afraid of letting go, scared of dying, scared of living, scared of falling, falling, falling. I like it because it makes me human but most of all, writing about it makes me ME.

******

I sang the line that the Corey sings in Lost Boys...

"I ain't got a friend!"

Except here in the kitchen, it's Punk not Nanook, but the quizzical look is the same. I lean down and gently run my hands along the length of his tail. He seems to like it. Or maybe he's just hungry.

******

The mispelt Sherriff is a character. I never forget that. Sure, he is me, he is based on me, but he is a character nonetheless. And his past and future incarnations are both me and not me. The real me is not likely to ever have such open discussions with a friend, let alone in front of strangers, the real me is slippery as a snake and sometimes, twice as venomous, but really, I'm just happy most of the time.

BLOG POST 276
Today, I didn't do much and I was mostly in a pretty happy mood.

Hmmm...

******

I think I'm rewriting the song that Gen and I love. She's going to kill me, but I need to find something deeper in it. I smoke a cigarette and drink some tea and it comes flying through me, but I still can't grasp it. Guh. I need to play like the Sherriff sometimes writes, and I'm getting closer, but the structure, the structure, the hook....lkjdshfcakjnbfa

******

So I expand on the battles within and form feelings into words and lay them down here for you to read. And it's good to strike a chord with others, because my humour isn't something I can write down, but my heart is and my soul is and so that's what I do.

I'm excited about change this year. I'm excited because I have actually had a serious conversation with a friend about having children, not that I AM NOW, but even to talk about it was strange. An out of body, but I'm still 16 aren't I? experience. And other things are going to change too and I'll get older and I'll become my future self before I even know it.

And I will make dinner for you and we can drink red wine and listen to music and look back and laugh.

9 comments:

  1. I'm hoping that last sentence was for me. I would very much like that. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. It shall be done Her Royal Fluffness.

    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're pregnant arn't you. Kids these days.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "The real me is not likely to ever have such open discussions with a friend, let alone in front of strangers"

    I just wanted to let you know that strangers (well at least this one), are appreciating how and what you write.

    ReplyDelete
  5. you sir, have a beautiful gift. but best you hide it in your back pocket like a dirty novel.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I keep my dirty novels in my back pocket...how doth thy know?

    ReplyDelete
  7. come fuck me already.

    ReplyDelete