Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Moving in line when you look back in time to the first day

I woke at precisely 4.57am this morning and was unable to return to sleep. I switched on the heater beside my bed, got dressed, made tea, drank tea, put on a coat and walked down to Princes Park.

In the morning when the sun comes up and the fog slowly sinks, morphing into tiny diamonds asleep on the grass, is the time to reset your soul. I took off my gloves and ran my hands through the turf. I asked questions of the earth and listened carefully to what it had to say. That is important to me. Other people find their answers in the wind, in a fireplace, floating in the ocean. I find mine in the dirt, or at least, I ask my questions of the dirt.

The answers are sometimes hard to hear.

********

Last year I found myself a rock, and when I was a rock I pondered the meaning of freedom. But to be honest, I was so busy being a rock that I was unable to apply what I was writing to myself. All I knew at the time was that it was imperative that I was a rock and so a rock I stayed. But this morning when I was listening to the earth it said:

[isn't it time you applied these lessons to yourself first?]

I didn't and don't understand exactly what it meant by that, but I keep the sentence inside me, tucked into the little coin pocket on the side of my heart.

********

I make my way home and I play ELO's Living Thing.

First is the violin and the tears almost come.

Sailin' away on the crest of a wave
It's like magic
Oh and rollin' and ridin' and slippin' & sliding
It's magic

Tears of joy are a magical fucking thing. The way they lubricate the fucking road to self discovery. The way they wet the whistle and bring out the answers. The way they remind me of mortality and the intransigence of this.

And I open a message and at the end of it is a quote:

In the exact now, we are all, always alright.

Genius.

If nothing else, I am so happy to be able to FEEL.

It reminds me that I'm only human and keeps the perspective sharp. And there's a world of difference between being down and being wide fucking open.

1 comment:

  1. you are lucky you only have a coin pocket to the side of your heart. are you sure it's not larger? i have an overnight bag, or a tote at least.

    i'd love a coin purse, just large enough for a lovely sentence, and perhaps a healing stone of pink.

    jam

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