Monday, July 3, 2006

Well you are all my brothers, and you have been kind

but what were you expecting to find?

*********

You know what's beautiful? I asked.
Eyes closed with the answer.
The steel he held in his hand wanting release,
wanting me like no other.
What?
His eyes narrowing
hating that I
had asked a question when
it was he who held the gun.

Not every minute of every day
or every second
but that moment in between.
In between the seconds,
that's when you can catch a fucking glimpse.
That's when you're alive,
that's what that out of nowhere mortality
rush is.
It's when you phase out slightly
and start living in between the seconds.
But you don't get that do you?

I don't have to get it
I'm the guy who gives it to you,

and pulls the trigger.

********

Last night I sat at the bar and we discussed the madness that had taken our friend our boss. We smoked cigarettes and I can still taste them now. We drank beers and they drove me to exercise for all night I was up and down the stairs to the outhouse far below. And we wondered at the nature of people. We mourned the passing of a man who ran a shop not far from where I type right now. Who took his own life and left a van in the Safeway Carpark. It has the tyres that I need, but when someone suggested I take them I felt suddenly like a vulture shredding corpse flesh and rubber from the man's last monument. His rusting white van. And at night it must be the only car there, and the lights would hit it just so, and in those in between moments, surely he lives still.

********

I smiled.
Sorry,
but it's just not possible to hit a guy
who is out of phase with the rest of the world.

And as his jaw hits the ground,
literally of course,
I whistle and walk away.

Na na na nana na naaa na naaa

2 comments:

  1. i was thinking about you the other day. i figure there are two types of people in the world when it comes to happiness. one type is happy naturally, ie their natural state, and then other people mess it up, ie having people around, in your face, talking to you, messing with your happiness. the other type need other people for happiness, they can't be solidly and consistently happy on their own for long.

    do you agree with this?

    is it too simplistic?

    which one are you?

    i was originally thinking of these things with regards to myself, but then i thought of you

    jam

    ReplyDelete
  2. by the way, i LOVE the way you write.

    jam

    ReplyDelete