Monday, August 7, 2006

Stupid is as stupid does

I pointed and clicked. Stupid.

I let it all back in. Stupid.

I listened and read to people who didn't know me calling me something that hurt me. Stupid.

All I care about at the moment is the pursuit of something that can never be pursued, a feeling that cannot be pulled out of thin air. A feeling that comes when it's good and ready, not when you are. Stupid.

This no doubt means that I am going to get drunk. Stupid.

********

Sylvia reached across the table and held Archie's hand. I like you, she said. I really LIKE you. Inside he could do nothing but smile wanly and reply with a bittersweet laugh. And everything she said made sense to him. And her eyes were deep, real deep. And they drank whiskey together these two beautiful, broken people. And while they did, they pretended that it was all okay. And maybe it was but he was too blind to see it.

********

The worst part about being aware of yourself is knowing when you have acted stupidly. But I can never tell. Because there is such a gigantic part of me which equates passion with stupidity. YEAH! Let's do the stupid, crazy thing! Ain't that wild? Don't people get away with doing that? Isn't life worth taking risks?

But I guess if you're born under a bad sign, you should know better than to keep taking risks. Go with the good option, stick to the part of the street that you can see.

Or at the very least, if you don't and you choose the random fucking adventures that every single tiny feeling leads you to explore?

Stop fucking complaining when it all goes to dust.

2 comments:

  1. what do you mean "born under a bad sign"?

    that's victim-talk.

    not being mean, i send a hug, but also hopefully a bit of wisdom.

    it takes strength to be resilient when you see you have been stupid. don't let it pull you under.

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  2. You're right. It is cowardly victim talk. Thankyou for the hug.

    x

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