Sunday, October 29, 2006

You're gonna be remembered for the things that you say and do.

I stood in the centre of the universe at my best friend's wedding. And I stared straight at the sun, and it returned my gaze and inched toward me. All eyes were on us. And the sun and I gave unflinchingly to each other, until it disappeared over the horizon, and night fell around me without a single star in the sky.

********

I put on cowboy boots and became the man I have always dreamed of being. I put on cowboy boots and happily, without a single whisper in my mind, drank water when everyone collapsed around me, and baby, I was tall and it wasn't the boots. Amongst a hundred people, I confided in two, two old friends, I confided my deepest secret and they hugged me and stared me in the eye and said, never let go of your dreams, no matter what. And I didn't. I held them tight and though they were far, far distant, I kept my gaze upon them and dreamed of the day I reached my goal. And later, the sun rose just after midnight, to kiss my face with it's love, before disappearing again, to burn itself out on the other side of the world.

********

Archie sat on the porch and drank the words in. And it was all so surreal, and it was the end of the dream. But the end of the dream is the beginning of reality, and he had never before thought of it like that.

He said to the dream, Show me.

And the dream danced and showed him.

He said to the dream, I know why you're here.

And the dream giggled and smiled and nodded, and said: Yes.

He said to the dream, never leave.

But the dream left and Archie awoke and he was no longer on the porch he was in his bedroom alone, and his tears soaked the floor until his reflection drowned in pools of yesterday's fantasies.

********

I cried at my best friend's wedding, I cried joy when they locked eyes and spoke the words. I had known him asleep in a nightclub on a Sunday morning, I had known him in a hospital bed having narrowly avoided death, I had known him happy, creative, confused, angry, heartbroken, in love. I had known him as my friend. And now he had found his partner in life and I cried joy for them. And during the ceremony, I reached beside myself and squeezed the hand of an absent dream.

********

I let the dream go. And it came back. And left again. And now it's that hazy memory you get when you first wake up with a single phrase or image in your mind. But every night, I go to sleep and try to take myself there. Because I trust the people who tell me, don't ever give up on your dreams.

********

Tomorrow, a resting place for bums, a trap set in the slums, but I know the score...

In my head, live the dreams and the thoughts, and the fantasies. But that's all tomorrow isn't it. What does that leave for today? I want tomorrow to be today, whatever it brings. Because maybe living for dreams means missing out on reality. Fuck nose. Yes, I'm calling you fuck nose.

I'm going to keep searching for answers is all I know. At least a search is something solid.

7 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for your beautiful words.

    Dream a little dream for me matty b. And don't give up on them. Keep them with you for always.

    X X X

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  2. Two down one to go brother.

    Shit. I should get out more.

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  3. i think you get out quite enough, hahaha.

    At least you kept your pants on, i was more than impressed.

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  4. hey i just noticed your people list.

    thats some good shit right there if i do say so myself, even if i wasn't on it, it still be an awesome list. you best hold them dear.

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  5. Believe me, I hold them dear.

    What's with the alter egos?

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  6. i'm not sure, I think it's an old one and the computer must have remembered it.

    'tis weird i know

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