Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Fear is the mind killer.

Conversation the other day:

Hey, thanks so much for letting me use your car to drive down the coast. You rock.

That's okay, was it fun?

IT WAS FUN.

That's nice.

But I was a bit nervous.

Why nervous for?

Well, I LOVE driving to the country you know? It's the all time best thing ever. EVER!

Ok ok, ever.

EVER!!!!!

....

Ok. So anyway, I've done it heaps and stuff. And it's the best and stuff. And it's even better when I drive 'cause I love driving and I'm good at it.

*yawns*

But, the thing is, I HATE SPIDERS. And whenever I'm driving back from the country, I'm always kind of like, wondering if a big, hairy spider has crawled into the car and is waiting until I'm like doing a hundred down the Freeway before it decides to crawl out of its hidey hole and across the windscreeen and shit. I don't think I'd make it man. And the window on your car was stuck open, so like, if it crawled out from the engine like they sometimes do, it would've crawled straight into my window, and I don't think I would've been able to just, slowly indicate, gently pull the car to the side of the road, step out and shoo the spider out. I WOULD'VE TOTALLY SWERVED FUCKFACE INTO ANYTHING THAT WAS NEAR ME IN A TERRIFIED BALL OF SCREAMING SHITPOO. So I was nervous. For your car, and for me. But it didn't happen, and here is your car. Thanks.

Hey?

Yeah?

I totally understand.

Really? You hate spiders too?

No, I don't hate spiders. But I understand.

Really? What are you afraid of?

SHOWER CURTAINS.

Wha?

SHOWER CURTAINS.

Shower Curtains.

Yes. SHOWER CURTAINS.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

DON'T LAUGH. Shower Curtains TOTALLY make me throw up. I HATE THEM.

......

......

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.

STOP IT.

Ok ok. What does that mean? You're totally afraid of Shower Curtains?

I didn't say I was afraid, I said they make me throw up.

.................HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh fuck you, I'm going.

Okbye.

********

Conversation the other day:

HEY! GUESS WHAT! I have a friend and she's, hehehehe, like TOTALLY AFRAID OF SHOWER CURTAINS! HAHAHAHAHA.

Oh, really? That's weird.

Yeah, I know. Ole weirdy shower curtain lady.

Yeah...ummm....

Wha?

Well, I'm cool with Shower Curtains. But I've got a phobia too.

Really? Is it spiders? Mine's spiders.

No, I'm okay with spiders. HEY WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Gotcha.

FUCKER.

Sorry. Anyway, my phobia is....

yes????

my phobia is.....

YES?????

WRITING ON ENVELOPES.

bffft. BFFFFFT. BFFFFHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

SHUT UP.

Hahaha, WRITING ON ENVELOPES? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? THAT'S WEIRDER THAN SHOWER CURTAINS!

NO IT'S NOT, SHOWER CURTAINS IS WEIRDER.

I think not. So what, can you write on pieces of paper?

Yes, of course. And people often remark how lovely my handwriting is. But if you put an envelope there, I start to gag and freak out...

DUDE. YOU PEOPLE ARE FREAKS.

I AM NOT A FREAK OK?

Okay, okay. Geeez. Well then...What about labels?

Oh, I can do labels. I like labels a lot. I label envelopes at work, and I always pride myself on making them perfectly straight. A lot of people tell me I'm very good at making the labels perfectly straight.

But you can't write on them.

GOD NO. I'LL THROW UP.

So what if like, I made you write on a piece of paper with your eyes closed and then secretly put an envelope there instead?

I don't know.

Are you willing to try?

GOD NO, THAT FREAKS ME OUT.

Hmmm, you people are weird. I think I'll go.

Okbye.

********

Conversation overheard at the internet cafe right now:

Excuse me?

Yes?

Something is happening.

Yes?

Yes, see here? Well when we got on it before, the colours were a lot brighter, there were more intense colours WHEN WE WERE ON IT.

Hmm. The colours look okay to me.

NO! I'm telling you, WE WERE ON IT BEFORE AND THE COLOURS WERE A LOT MORE INTENSE.

Well, have you tried getting off it and then getting on it again?

No, we've just been on it the whole time.

Well, I think you'll find it better to get on it after you've had a break. Get off it for a while, then get back on it later.

Ok.

Okthanksbye.

1 comment:

  1. i'm with you on the spider thing, and the other two are freaks.

    i could tell you a couple of good spider stories but i won't cause you'll get all sweaty and immobilised.

    actually, what the hell. check here for one:
    http://melbgirltakeonthings.blogspot.com/2006/01/to-borrow-elaines-phrase-todays.html

    story is in the comments bit.

    ReplyDelete