Thursday, November 30, 2006

Fish at many depths.

Conversation yesterday:

I've been doing all this writing about my life, in my own weird way and I've realised I have all these things I don't want people to know about me. So even though I was writing it all for me, I still was worried about how I was writing it, as though someone was going to read it, and that's when I realised I didn't want anyone to know these things. Does that make sense?

Yeeeeeeah....let's have a shot.

Ok. but I think I want you to read it, you write and stuff, you know stuff...


So yeah, I guess I'm apologising in advance, for the bad writing, if you want to read it. I don't know...

This is all very confusing. I'm happy to read it...

But I think you'll hate me.

Hate you? I very much think, I will not be hating you.

But I've been writing shit from my past that no-one knows about...I think you'll hate me.

i am not going to be hating you, what could possibly be worse than all the shit I have seen and done? And you know what, with shit that you try to hide from people, I believe the best thing to do is just come out and say it all. I like doing that, I've always written bad shit about myself on my dodgy blog, because I figure it takes the power away from anyone who tries to use it against you. If you say it first, then they've got nothing, know what I mean?

Like Eminem, in the end of Eight Mile?

Like Eminem in Eight Mile, that's fucking genius. You're very clever.

Thankyou, now let's have another shot.

Oh god.


There was a period of time in my life, when I was single and so decided to be a slut. Well, more so. Shut the fuck up. I remember being at home having my loose morals all planned out, all the different places I would go, the butterfly effect I would feel burning in my gut, how simple life would be, no ties, no worries, all the good, exciting parts of dealing with the opposite sex without any of the burdens. Why hadn't I thought of this before?

Imagination, holds an extremely stupid beauty.

About a month later, I lay on my bedroom floor, pulling my hair, rotting teeth falling blood and spitting out in horrendous coughing fits, nerves broken, sick to the core, scared of my door, scared of my phone, afraid and alone with at least five or six Birds of Prey stalking and waiting to sink their glossy talons into my flesh. Every single girl I had met and enjoyed time with had morphed with the next, until combined they had all formed some sort of vengeful Voltron - Terminator hybrid out for committment or out for my head on a stick. The abominable snowball effect.

Why is nothing ever simple? All I wanted was to be a slut. Can't a man follow his dreams? ISN'T THAT WHAT MADE THIS COUNTRY GREAT?

Nowadays, I don't want to be a slut.
I still have no fucking idea what it is I want.

But as my specifically made up for this very sentence Imaginary Mexican Life Coach says, "IZZZ OKAY MIIISTAAA BEEEE!"

So I guess it is, okay.


Conversation yesterday:

Hey, you know how there's all those shit movies, Date Movie, Scary Movie...


I think they should make...MIDGET MOVIE.

*spits out drink*


Umm...I don't think you need any more beer...

No, think about it!

I am not thinking about Midget Movie.

But they had that dodgy Jeff Goldblum movie, The Tall Guy, WHY CAN'T WE HAVE MIDGET MOVIE? I WANT MIDGET MOVIE!

*puts head in hands*

Well, I think it could work.

Ok, fine...let's workshop Midget Movie. What would happen?

Well, I'll have to storyline it a bit more, but one thing that could happen is that every time a character talks, the camera turns....sees no-one there...and then pans down TO WHERE THE MIDGET WAS DO YOU SEE HE WAS TOO SHORT AND THE CAMERA DIDN'T KNOW HAHAHAHA. And that can happen , like, almost every time...

Almost every time?

Yeah, until it was just really not funny.

Which is

Shut up. Midget Movie is genius. I wish I knew some. Or one. Hey, maybe there's a midget working here behind the bar and we've never noticed...

Dude, I really don't think you should keep talking about this so loudly...


Oh god, I'm going.



There is beer to be had this weekend, and flirting to be done, and music to be played and sunshine to loll under. Yes, loll. Remember when that used to be A REAL WORD.

Take care, try not to break any hearts,



  1. I'll see your slut and raise you a slattern.

    And I still use loll. Lovely word. Lovely lolling action.