Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Never mistake motion for action.

I haven't talked to myself for a while, so when I see myself in the park I smile. It's a conversation that's long overdue.

Hey.

Hey. Whatcha got for me?

Well, I was thinking about Love...

Noooo...

Shuddup fucko. I was thinking about Love, and I think I hit on something.

Go on.

Well, I was thinking, that the WAY you love, is representative not of the person you are loving, but of yourself. If you love someone beyond life, as though your very being cannot exist without them, if you curse and cry and laugh and fly and explode with sex and giggles at the very thought of someone, I think that's a good thing to think about yourself. I think it means you are alive, that you feel, that you can tap into the sort of feeling that songs are made of, the dreamy place where inspiration lives. True love is a feeling in one person, not a relationship between two people. It doesn't ever matter if it is unrequited, and you should never throw it away if it is. Loving is living, and the harder and deeper and more passionate you love, the more fucking alive you are.

I like that. But I know you, tomorrow you'll be sad or angry or trying to work it all out again.

Yeah, probably, but isn't it okay to have a revelation from time to time? And besides, it made me feel good about myself, and about others I know who love that way. It made me think, it's just nice that people like us exist. It's healthy for the world, because what the fuck else is there worth living for?

Sluts?

No. Not sluts. Don't be facetious. I know you understand.

I do, but maybe you're being a little High Horse about it. I mean, everyone loves in their own way mister, you can't think that because one person doesn't seem to be vibrating with intensity, that their love is lesser than yours. You're just a little more...volcanic about the whole thing.

Ok, point taken. But like I said, sometimes I need to feel good about myself, and the way I feel about things. Sometimes I like to distance myself from humanity, it helps me restrain myself when I feel like exploding, when I feel that no-one else is alive and I want to tear down the false curtain of reality that everyone hides behind.

Baby, you got to chill! Everyone's just doing their thing. But I get it, and I certainly get you. And yes, I like that you exist, you've got the right attitude. People sometimes do let their focus stray to things which perhaps are trivial in the bigger picture, but everyone's guilty of that, Boy...Now how about you forget about all that shit for a while and tell me what our plan is to blow this fucking one horse town.

I've told you before, don't call her a horse...

Ok fine, sorry. Now get with the plan...

Right, well we've got until January 31st...

********

I sit in the cafe and think upon the things that need urgent attention. Across from me a group of three teenage girls laugh and busy themselves with giggle and chatter and whisper and other nubile pursuits. But I don't drift. I return my attentions to the notebook in front of me and think about which word to cross out first.

I have to get to Bangkok. I have to get to London. I have to get to Miami.

********

My friend emails me and tells me how she had sex in a cinema watching Borat. Another friend texted me yesterday and said she was going to have sex with a stranger to help heal her heart. Another friend wants to know what's going on with me, and what will happen when I get to London. I have no answer for any of these friends. But I reply anway.

[That sounds hot, friend number one, I've always wanted to do that. ]

(See, Hemingway says, when you don't know what to write, just write the truest sentence you can)

[Well, friend number two, I'm not sure that's going to help, but I understand why you would do that. I have done that. It didn't work for me though.]

[Friend number three, I have no fucking idea what's going to happen. That's the whole beauty of it. That's why I want it so bad. ]

It is why I want it so bad. I'm so in the Known Universe here. The only problem is, I'm not unintelligent, and I know that everything that exists here will also exist there. And that people are the same wherever you go. And you are the same wherever you go. But it's possible to over intellectualise things, and fuck it, I want to meet new people, I want to believe that somethings ARE different and that if I just fucking expand while I'm still young, dumb and full of cum, I'll stand half a chance of discovering something wonderful.

And besides, it's a fucking adventure right? And who the fuck doesn't want adventure?

6 comments:

  1. There's a saying by some indian guru type person whose name I can't remember...
    In fact I just realised I cant remember the saying either.
    Something about if you have a choice in life and ...no wait thats not it.....hang on....
    oh bollocks.
    Well it was along the lines of having a choice between doing what you normally do and having a new experience you should probably go for the new experience because life is for experiencing.

    I think his name was Ott or something but I cant seem to find it on google.

    honest it was really good!

    ahem.

    ok I am going now.

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  2. Mr Berry, I had you picked as the profound sort. Like that song says, you know? Da da da..or something...la did dum...ah fuck it.

    PONY: MOTHERFUCKING ADVENTURE! Is Miami close to Brooklyn? Closer than here anyway. Is exciting.

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  3. "In the universe, there are things that are known, and things that are unknown, and in between, there are doors."
    William Blake

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  4. Me-yam-ee is just a turbo-prop away. Is very exciting indeed!

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  5. I just try to hit the things I see and feel with words. I often miss what I am aiming at.

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