Sunday, April 22, 2007

Don't say aaah, say ZAAAAA.

I feel toxic.

I once heard another person say that to me. I didn't know what to say to them, and I don't know what to say to you. It's a horrible thing to hear from someone you care about. Especially you.

I was always told I'd never amount to anything. I was always the Blimp. J-Pops, the Blimp.

You're not a blimp J-Pops, you are so lovely, and caring, and stubborn and great and fun and beautiful.

I feel toxic.

Sigh.

Sigh.

I love you Bum Fluff.

I love you Fluffy Bum.

********

In the end, my sister is the important person in my life. The one person I can always count on. I don't mean to say I can't count on my friends, but I mean, no matter what, no matter when, I can count on my sister. It has always been so, and so it shall remain. When I'm faced with the thought that one day she may not be there, for her dalliances with danger pose this insidious threat on a constant basis, I freeze inside. No human for you. I don't know. Maybe I can be more callous than anyone else on this planet. Maybe I can just frown and chisel it into myself and sneer and swear and drink and fight and curse and that way I won't feel. Won't worry. Won't...miss. I don't want my next tattoo to be another love heart with a name on it. I want my next tattoo to be a love heart across my lower abdomen with the word Heartbreaker in it - and maybe some skulls and eagle wings - so that "all my chicks" will gaze in awe at it while they are otherwise pre-occupied and somehow finding themselves at eye-level with my belly button. Class, pay attention, this stream of consciousness shows how easy it is to begin a paragraph with emotional honesty and finish it off with a flourish of head job references.

And if that just ain't my personality in a nutshell...

******

At the aquarium, I realise that much like shouting at foreigners helps them to understand the English language, fish are like all other animals in that they respond to coocchie coochie coo, hoo's a KUTE widdle fisheee type vernacular while you wave your little finger like a delicious wiggly worm.

And I think it's a really, really, REALLY cool place.

And so does my sister.

xxx

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