Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Sucks to be you.

Hey B.


How's it going?

M'kay guess.


And you?


What's up?

Well, it's my new girlfriend.

Oh you have one? Nice.

Yeah but, she's kind of young and...

How young?

You know, like 19...

That's not much younger than you...

I know, but my last girlfriend was a lot older and...


And well, this is the second time I've gone out with a girl younger than me, and I'm starting to have this theory...

What's the theory?

You're not going to like it.

Okay. What's the theory?

The theory is, FELLATIO IS DEAD.

Horatio? Alas, Yorrick knew him well etc.



I'm SERIOUS. NONE of the girls my age even think about doing it anymore. What's going on?

I don't know, but my house mate said a similar thing a few weeks ago, and he's dating a girl your age...

YOU SEE! This is terrible...isn't someone meant to be teaching this?

You mean, like, in Home Ec or something?

Man, now they're all like, computers and globalisation, what happened to scones and head jobs?


I'm serious. Something needs to be done.

Well, I can't help you I'm afraid, but I'll have a beer with you if you like?

I can't.

Why not?

Because I promised to make dinner and clean up the house before my girl comes over.


  1. scones and head jobs.


    i think the last sentence hints at the real reason for this dearth of fellatio.


  2. A dearth of fellatio?

    Is that like a pride of lions?

    And how so, Owly?

  3. no, dear. dearth means scarcity which makes it valuable.

    i'm thinking that last sentence where he talks about cleaning up and cooking dinner for the gf (and this will be an inversely sexist comment following.... now!) that if he's the type to be doing all that, as modern women profess to want, it makes her more manly and less likely to want to suck his cock.

    nah. i'm just talking crap here.

    but there is definitely a dearth of fellatio in my world as well.

  4. I was with you, I think if he had've been off to Lumberjack School after saving some badly injured baby elephants from the savages of Uganda in between his famous Rock Band's gigs at [insert local venue here]...he'd be all like, bitch, stop with that constant sucking.

    Alas...his dishcloth hands and shrivelled flacid shrew remain,


    Sounded like a movie preview then, didn't I?

    Dearths all round.

  5. exactly. a girl likes her man to be manly. and to have a big one. or not a too tiny one.

    shutting up now.


  6. Yes.

    I should, work, or something.


    Soo...Owly...what's...err...going down, shit, I mean...

  7. psst... tell no one I told you this... but it's all a brilliantly executed revenge plan against whoever came up with the cum-shot-in-the-face movement.

  8. But but but but but...

    stupid revenge movement.

  9. Ah, it seems as if you have another insider, as you're obviously hinting at what's in the works for the poor "But but but but but..." scene instigator.

    The poor, poor dove.

  10. I'm so confused.

    And all I was trying to do with this post was get a head in life.

  11. Thankfully no one is crass enough to say that they're behind you 100%.

    That was a really close call.