Monday, January 7, 2008

The Fear in Me

It’s when I can’t see them,
The Devil,
or Death,
that I begin to grow nervous.

When Goodness and I are alone at last,
a bright, warm day,
the road stretches far ahead,
the kiss of a warm sun
the feel of her skin.

Sigh.

I’m dizzy now,
but it still doesn’t feel right.

Because I know they’re there.

Because I keep them alive.

The Devil, my shadow,
cast first upon myself,
and then upon her.

And my Death.
My beautiful, lonely
and resolute
Death.

[It is still not time to face them]

What shall we do today?
Goodness asks.
The air promises much,
and I am hungry for you.
Are you hungry for me?

I am hungry my love,
I say,
I am hungry for it all.

And I am.
Some.

But that feeling in my stomach,
is mind killer,
it’s fear, it’s fear,
I know they are near.
And right then he comes,
and says in my ear:

You won’t face me,
you can’t win,
I am your Devil,
I am your Sin,
your mistakes,
your pride,
your aching
and selfish,
crawling insides,
your anger,
your thirst,
your lust and
your worst.

[He laughs]

Everything you regret,
you share with me too.
And at the end of this road,
I will be waiting for you.

[she is smiling beside me, unaware]

You speak the truth fork tongue,
is all I can say.

But leave Goodness and I,
to at least have this day.

He whispers once more in my ear
then leaves.

I squeeze her hand,
as we walk further down the road.

Goodness smiles at me.

And it is enough.

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