Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Night.

She never does anything sexy for me, he says.

It's always
with the lights out
and she never makes a sound
and when I bite her
she stops and pushes me away
and I think,

What the fuck?
I'm so fucking HOT for you.

but instead I hear myself say:

I'm sorry darling, forgive me.
I was carried away

and she says:

well,
you really hurt me

and I try
to keep it warm
keep it going
keep it flowing

by
kissing her softly
on her bleeding lip
but she just
turns
on her side
and says,

Goodnight.

And to me it's always
so final and strange
and cold,
when couples say
Goodnight
to each other.

I mean,
didn't I just have my
fucking finger
inside you?

So why
the formalities now?

Goodnight.

But I can't sleep.

And I can't cum

in the bathroom,
the lights are too bright.

[Hm,
I say,
Yeah...

thinking about his cigarettes
which sit on the bar in front of him,
thinking about the coins on the bar,
thinking about the girl in my bed,
thinking about how I'll write him,
later,
when I'm awake, and I can't cum,
and the lights will be off, and I'll be staring
at that fucking screen.

I hate that fucking screen.]

And
another time, he says,
I tried it in the backyard.
but there was a spider
just sitting there watching me,
and in the end I just rolled a smoke
and sat there watching it thinking
about how they eat the male after they've made it
and that kind of turned me back on
and I'm not sure why
so I went back inside and lay next to her
and made the bed bounce and squeak
bounce and squeak
and Hell man
I wasn't hiding it
I was saying, oh yeah,
and just calling out names, any name,
Rhonda, Serena, Fanny, Oh Hell Yeah Fanny Yeah
just fucking pounding myself
while she lay beside me and pretended to be asleep
and the spider was outside
just sitting there,
and she was just breathing
slowly, softly,
and then
afterwards

Afterwards the silk of her dress
was a mother
and the fucking guilt
stained my stomach
and dripped down my legs
and I realised I loved her,
I loved her,
so I put my lips on her neck
and I pretended she was asleep
when I whispered in her ear,

I love you. Goodnight.

[I don't ask I just reach over and take one of his cigarettes.]

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