Monday, August 25, 2008

Milton.

Soundtrack: Midlake / Roscoe

Milton stood on the bridge
over the highway
shone chrome
in the rain
and when he closed his eyes
the slip of the cars
was the sound of a river
and he was drowned
and so was the ache which brought him here
the dirty black dog which made him
lean forward
his arms outstretched
daring gravity
to take the lead and topple him over
in with the silver fishes
which fled in a blind dash
between the lines upstream
toward tomorrow.

This was how he liked to listen
to music.

Feet hooked beneath the bars of the guard rail
with the rain in his face
and the wind man yeah
and no one to hear him scream
the alien lyrics
he didn't understand
but howled as loud
as he could into the storm
oh fuck.

And he could cry
here
as everyone drove home
and he could laugh at himself
and he could say
I miss you
oh fuck
and it didn't fucking hurt
not here
not with the headphones on
it never hurt with the headphones on
but he sobbed all the same
the notes of his past and haunted melodies
of where it was leading
would spring from his eyes
and there was nothing he could do
but sing
and play the same song over and over and over and he hated that word
feeling his heart collapse and fold far out
"over" the world
when the guitar struck that bar
down stroke and nothing mattered

just the feeling

that's all he was
a feeling
as he sang over the semi trailers with a quaver
and quivering tongue.

And when from time to time
someone would walk behind him over the bridge
he would see them coming
place his hands in his pockets
and pretend to be staring quietly
over the edge
and they may or may not
exchange glances
in the dark
until he was left alone
again
wondering why he was
ashamed to be seen singing
and thinking
I should have the fucking courage
to believe that what I am doing
is the true thing
the right thing
to smile
as I stand
and drown in the band
I want the surprise
in the eyes
of a stranger
I want them to see
the fragile soul
that lives inside
but I don't
I won't have the courage
I'll just hide
here
in the words
of the song
and the guitar
will be the lion
the roar which echoes
in my heart
that no one can hear
but me.

And the rain beat on.

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