Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Moment. #2

Ok, only because it's been so depressing for so long...


Bre**: How you going there, Mattyb?

Me: Look. I've had way too much coke in the last 24 hours. And I can't believe I just had a motherfucking bong. Not only do I feel like a lost little man whore on the road to Juvey, I think I may also be about to throw up. What I think I need to do is lie on your bed just for a tiny moment. I'm just going to get a little horizontal, close my eyes, and then I'll be right, and then I'll go home. So here we go...just lying down on the 'ole bed....just ah....pillow...just going to tuck my 'lil hands under the pillow and WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING UNDER THE PILLOW IT'S A GIANT FUCKING PURPLE DILDO THE SIZE OF MY TORSO WHY IS IT UNDER THE PILLOW WRAPPED IN A PLASTIC BAG OH MY GOD I TOUCHED IT OH FUCK SHIT THIS IS THE PART WHERE I RUN SCREAMING DOWN THE CORRIDOR AM I LAUGHING OR VOMITING OR CRYING OR ALL THREE AT ONCE?

[I fall over in the corridor trying to escape]

[I am chased by a grey haired man who thinks it is funny to use a giant purple dildo as a Gonzo style nose - I think I actuallly make claw marks on the floor boards with my nails I am trying to move so fast]

Bre**: (Waving Football Oval sized dildo at me) C'mon mate, it's only Doctor Johnson!

[I lock myself in the toilet. I consider my lifestyle choices. I cry and dream of a house overlooking the sea. Far from this place. Find a happy place. Find a happy place.]


Four days later the sun is waving at me through my bedroom window as I drink tea to the blissful sounds of next door's domestic violence dispute. It seems the speed addict lady has lost their crack pipe. Oh god. Awkward. I dream of France. Toulouse. Further south. A cheap shack in a small town with fresh bread (non dildo shaped) and a stripey top. I wonder if I'll see you there. I wonder if this blackness in my chest is cancer. I wonder how long we all have.

A bird sings.

I love you. I love everyone.

Nothing else matters.


  1. I don't know how I came across your blog, but this post made me laugh so hard I squeaked.


  2. I saw him in the street the other day, and we talked about it.

    He said, now that you've seen it, I feel I can tell you, that's the best cock I've ever bought.

    Who says that?

    There are more?

    Thankyou for saying hello. I like hello. Hello is good.