Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Give.

I walked to the shop
I'm pretty blue
no work at the moment
christmas looking grim
nothing new
I walked to the shop
and bought my medicine
answered the questions
of the nice lady pharmacist
and as I was leaving
the Greenpeace hands
were grabbing at me
and their mouths
were moving fast
and I'd just woken up
from a deep, deep
sleep
and the violent colours
of my dreams still
stood threatening
hulking in the dark corners
just behind my eyes
but at the front of my mind
and I wasn't prepared yet
to save the whales
the trees
the ice monkeys
or
just
no
I'm sorry
I can't
I really must go
I'm sorry
I mumbled
or actually mismumbled
in more of a
sorry-go-got-now
as I broke free
of their kelp
breaking the glass surface
and up, up
out into the sun
scraping the caked
yellow dust 
from my eyes
one - two - three
breathe
and walk
past this house
and that
and in this one a cat
not one, but two
actually three
thin, starving cats
sitting under a porch
of a derelict house
calling suspiciously
to me
a sound which I know
too well
please feed me
please feed me
please feed me
so I turn around
determined now
or maybe fuelled
by the guilt
whatever
I march with my head
held high
thrum pa pum pum
straight back toward the shop
thrum pa pum pum
and as the sliding doors open
the Greenpeace people stand
(are they saluting?)
to the sound of strings
the supermarket band
it's Christmas
a time to give
and they smile
at me
and I can smell them
thinking
we did it!
we're all going to change!
together we can do this!
hands across the world!
and I just stand in the door
beside the Vietnamese Bakery
and bask in the glow
of their smiles
for just a moment
let the music peak
BA BAPPA BA BUM
hold my breath
I want to enjoy this
so I walk
toward
them
and they prepare
pamphlets
and clip boards
and smiles
and I notice
how white
their teeth are
and how Green
their t-shirts
and how booming their
voices - they say
"He's back!"
as I walk straight past
them into the supermarket
and pick up a can of cat food
and I don't hide my eyes from them
as I stand in the queue
though I can see them confused now
unsure
of my intentions
and they try to approach others
in the meantime
but no one cares
not here
not in this tiny
tiny
shopping centre
who the fuck is going
to change the world
here
the pensioner and her walking frame
the butcher who cannot speak English
no
it is me
and only me
they want
the guy who looks like he likes music
fanaticism for fanaticism
and it's almost true
what they're thinking
I do like nature
I like it more than people
I cannot connect to people
the same way I can stand
in a forest
before a mountain
and listen and comprehend
just close my eyes and be at peace
I've never found that I could do that
with people
especially
those who are trying to help
the ice monkeys
by jumping out at me 
at shopping centres
anyway
I walk past them
and note the disappointment
in their eyes
I think -
jesus, kid, you're in the back of the line
and it's a fucking long line
but anyway I hold my can of cat food
out to them
and just tap it a little
tap tap tap
and they don't understand
and Hell, either do I
but I walk back to the house
with the dying cats
under the rotten wooden porch
and I open the can and lay it
on a clean piece of grass
for them
and I call to them
knowing full well
they're not going to come eat it
until well
after
I am gone
and I know too
that I can't afford to feed them
tomorrow
and the way they look
they might not even make it that far
so here
kitty cats
have a last little meal
eat it up good and forget
while you do
that tomorrow
you'll say
a goodbye to this
fucking world
of violent dreams
of consumer greed
of packaged charity
and medicine
and the sad plight
of distant
exotic animals
like
ice monkeys.

3 comments:

  1. ah crivens
    i cant have anymore cats
    i've already got ten

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ooh ooh, I always wanted to know a Mad Cat Lady.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Glad to have fulfilled somebodies dream :)

    ReplyDelete