Thursday, March 12, 2009

Route.

Self Pity lay bleeding in the dust behind me as I ran, faster and faster, losing control, letting myself go, leaping, screaming, wildly abandoning all effort, I'm driftwood now, fuckers, I'm in the current of life, I'm a nobody, I'm Hope, I'm Buddha, I'm free, I'm free, I've torn the wings off my heart and remembered how to fly without them, I've fled the sad prison and lonely medusa, the frigid weight of self reflection, the eternal moments stretched thin as you watch lives ruined, hearts destroyed, souls left for dead, I've turned left down a strange road, I'm carrying my life in a back pack and a guitar case, I'm a stranger in a foreign land, an innocent maiden with a rusted iron soul, I'm a starving drifter, I'm all potential, I'm what's happening tomorrow when today is just another yesterday, a memory left faded in the dusk, I'm in a cave, I'm on a couch, I'm under a tree, I'm a fucking murderer, a clean skin vagrant in a white shirt and skinny black tie, I'm wide eyed, tight belt, delicate hands and a rabid fucking mouth and I'm the fucking romantic dream you all fucking had when you read those books and I'm on the run and on the road and this time the fantasy will swallow me and this time I'll have the words to immortalise poverty and paint this strange town red with charm and black with mourning and green with envy and blue, blue, there's so much blue, if you let it, if you let it, if you let it get to you, but we don't, do we, NO MAN NO, or we'll stop for good, stand on an overpass, dying for a dream with a note pinned to your chest and wonder which car, which death, which discovery, which ending you'll find if you let go of the rails, one finger, two finger, scratched finger, dirty finger, hooked thumbs and terrible terror, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.

And you don't. 

You turn and shoot Self Pity in the face and spit on the grave and piss on the memory and then you turn and your jaw is the anger but the anger is the drive and the drive will take you back to passion's embrace, where you will find another future, another life, and another you.

And so on, this time, as all others, you open the door, and you start to walk. 

And in the walking, there is Hope. 

Always hope.


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