I see Myself sitting in the morning sun on the back deck. I make two Teas and walk outside and quietly sit next to Me and I light cigarettes and I smoke them together, just sitting and watching the sky and I know I can see what I see, that I share this Imagination with Myself, and so we lean against each other as Idiotic Twins, just dreaming of The Past and The Future, wondering if This New Found Me is going to make it through this time, if this Dream can hold, if this time I can cash the Currency of Change in a bank by a river which has twisted so far back in swamped and muddied memories, that it has taken me seven years to even remember which way the water was flowing.
But I remember now.
I remember now, sitting with myself here in the sun, but behind my closed eyes it's - Run, Rabbit, run, by the stream, through the gums, over the hurdles, up the slope, you don't have to stop, you just have to cope, and this fucking time, the lessons we've learned, will help build Tomorrow into something well earned, and all you have to do, Rabbit - all you have to do, is this one thing, Rabbit. You'll find it behind The Cheek, under The Wall, inside The Cage. It's scary, Rabbit...
(no, it's not)
It's scary, Rabbit, to set it free, but we need you, to set it free, Rabbit, can you do that for us?
(I already have)
Well, see this is the thing, Rabbit, we need you to know, it's one thing to Free, but another to Flow, so Flow, Rabbit, Flow. Fly, Rabbit, Fly. Catch that thing you set free when you were One.
Catch it and see what comes.
Inside the activity starts and I lose the cigarette, and the dream fades as smoke in the morning light. When does it feel right, to Love The World, and Your Place In It? When will that day come? When is okay, to tell A Stranger you Love Them, to tell a friend that you Want It All, when is it ever okay, to understand that You Deserve Everything, because you have finally awoken to the Facts. That you always feel better, when you are allowed to Love.
Shake it out, Matty. Shake it out and let's get this started.
Ok, so -
The House makes me a Tea, and my phone starts and the Cat eyes me cheekily and I smile as the Sun knocks on the windows, and there are other thoughts too, but they are simply lonely songs, melodies to cover up - I mean it's hard to Take Over The World, when all you want to do is watch Post Coital movies...so Resist and Resume. And Don't Deviate from The Path.
It's all already here, and it's here Today.
17 days. Maybe 18.
Oh, and by the way -
I love you.
But that ain't no mind.